Role Reversal

The high we feel after speaking with Dr Sudhir & Yash about our pregnancy and surrogate is surreal. I've said before that this information is like a drug & calms the nerves until our next instalment as we wait with baited breath across the seas.

We have just spoken with both Dr Sudhir and Yash (enroute to Lilavati Hospital) to meet new IPs; these guys are so busy and never stop, and all is well. This of course we already knew but still needed to chat with them. We really have been missing not only them but India so greatly these past couple of weeks it's crazy.

Our surrogate is well & feeling very healthy other than morning sickness and a loss of apetite; the poor girl. The double marker test is scheduled for later this week followed shortly by the nuchal fold test and then in around 14 days or less we will officially be in our second trimester. This is where relief will come to Johnny's mental state...I hope.

There has been a strange role reversal for Darren & Johnny when it comes to Noddy's pending arrival & our surrogate's pregnancy. It is usually the case with anything exciting we have planned that Darren takes a back seat and will not get excited until the event is upon us.

Holidays, parties, anything exciting he waits until it is here. Our trip to India in July was a perfect example; Darren would not allow himself to get excited until we were at the airport checking in for our flight. Johnny on the other hand can't wait and is excited four years ahead of time.

Our pregnancy has been different for us in that Darren feels so confident in that we will have nine months of bliss and then Noddy will be here without a hiccup. All of Darren's co workers already we know we are ten weeks pregnant and are sharing the excitement of every week with him. He is ready to tell the entire neighbourhood whereas Johnny is the one waiting for the prize, so to speak. I am so excited that it scares me and maybe this is why I am holding off telling people.

Only one of Johnny's co workers knows of our pregnancy and everyone else is currently in the dark. It is hard I will admit but for some reason the mental obstacle of passing the twelve week mark is significant for me. I can't explain it and I am fully aware that even into the second and third trimester we can have bad news that could bring our dreams crashing down.

I am so scared of losing Noddy that it frightens me to think of this. I have to stop myself thinking these kinds of thoughts and won't give them a second's credibility in my mind. I can't believe how much we already love our unborn child.

I pray we do have the perfect pregnancy & all goes to Darren's plans (and dreams). I pray to God that it does.