Thursday, June 25, 2009

To ICSI or not to ICSI, that is the question

This is our latest dilema as we approach the four week mark til we travel to India....Four weeks and both Darren I are relatively calm. It must be the herbal tea and listening to Enya.

Everthing is now well and truly organised for our week in Mumbai and as we have virtually run out of questions...almost, we're preparing for our imminent departure to Mother India and a new question comes to mind: do we want to take advantage of ICSI?

ICSI or Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection is the process where by one sperm is injected directly into the egg increasing the chance of fertilisation & the numbers of embryos we have to transfer to our SM and freeze for subsequent FET if need be.

Originally to help combat male infertility issues ICSI is a great tool made available to men whose sperm count is lower than the considered norm; 20,000,000 per ml. Our tests performed in December of last year showed a sperm count of 19,000,000 per ml so not bad but not above the average.

Given our ED is relatively young and fertile (we hope) and we have been taking a fertility supliment (menevit) daily now for almost 60 days we should be OK but nothing on this journey is certain and both Darren and I want to ensure we give ourselves the best chance possible of a positive first time round.

Will ICSI offer this best chance? We hope so...time will tell.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Being Scared

Darren and I have often spoken of how he felt around the age I am now and how the thought of having a child and being a parent was something, as an openly gay man he had given up on.

Being openly gay negated any chance of having a family of your own and that was that.

There are gay men out there who marry and feign a happy, heterosexual relationship so that they can have a family. We know such men, some are still married and others have since left their wives & former families, with sad consequences.

The catalyst for our journey to India and starting our family was on our last overseas holiday together to Fiji. We had such a relaxing week away, enjoying our island paradise. Perfect weather, blue skies and warm water. There were a couple of families there with very small children and one day during happy hour I started balling, crying like a baby. I was overwhelemed by this feeling of missed opportunity. Darren and I spoke of his dreams of being a dad when he was in his late twenties just after we met. I was too young at that point and too selfish a 19 year old to have been able to truly empathise. Parenthood had yet to enter my mind. One couple in their late 40s began chatting with Darren and said 'why not do it'. And that was that. We returned home and seriously discussed parenthood as a reality for the two of us.

Now, 12 years on in our relationship and 12 years older I'm scared that the dream we both are trying so desperatley to realise is still as elusive as ever. Just because we want this does not mean it will happen.

This week has seen some very, very sad news from India. Surrogates who have lost children well into their pregnancies and parents devastated. I'm scared.

This affects so many people; the intending parents, their families, friends and then everyone in India trying to help us all. Surrogates, their families, the docs and our extended support network. Devastating news is just terrible and I long for hope, positive news and that silver lining. Ever the optimist I believe it is there for us. I pray it is.

This year will be Darren's 40th birthday and four days before this big day we anticipate will be an even bigger day. Around the 15th of August or there abouts we will know the results of our attempt at falling pregnant. One of many hurdles in the next 9 1/2 months til our Noddy will join us and complete our lives.

We are, as well prepared as we can be. Flights and accommodation are booked. Passports have been returned and visas issued. Our ED has been confirmed by Dr S and our SM whoever she may be will be ready too.

We both want this to be a positive experience for everyone involved...It will be.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Our Surrogate: M.I.A

OK, I tried being pateint really I did but I couldn't wait any longer.

I sent an email to our clinic two days ago just checking up on the final logistics and legalities prior to coming to Mumbai in 52 DAYS reply. I know from other IPs that the docs are really, really busy and both Darren and I are patient people but this was too much!

We are both so excited that our self imposed 'wait one week after sending an email' curfew went flying out the window, and just as well. We have just spoken with Dr S and our chosen surrogate, who we have had in our prayers and thoughts for months now is uncontactable, on extended holiday, M.I.A.

Many Indians enjoy vacation during the months of May and June and this is not uncommon or a first so I was a ready for the inevitable shock & disappointment.

BUGGER! We did not want to have to select another SM but, never mind. So again we find ourselves reading profiles and trying to select the best woman for the job (so to speak). How does one do this? Nevertheless we found a way to & again are happy with our choice. I am still mourning the loss of our first SM as I had played out our meeting a thousand times over in my head and we have her picture with us and talk about her and our ED regularly.

Dr S assures me that everything else is on schedule and our ED is ready for our arrival. I don't doubt him for one minute. Both Darren and I are very pleased with the service we have received from Surrogacy India and would recommend them in a heart beat.

Wow, the countdown to becoming parents has really begun!