Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Noah's Three Month Update

Where have the past 90 days gone? Well in fact 95 days! We have had our son in our lives for almost 100 days! What an amazing 95 days they have been too, unlike any other we have experienced before. And, just as wonderful as we had dreamt they would be! Prior to your child's birth, people tell you that the love you feel as a parent is unlike anything else you could possibly imagine. You love them unconditionally from the moment you set eyes on them. We all know how this story goes right? But, experiencing this love, this change in oneself is amazing. One can not put into words how this truly makes you feel. How is such a thing possible and what if it doesn't happen to me? You often hear pregnant woman speaking of this. Having a child grow inside of you for nine months, giving birth and feeding your child creates a bond for life. But, how do dads create this bond & does this same bond happen when our surrogates give birth to our children? Does it exist for them? One would imagine it does, right, but maybe resigning themselves to the fact they have fallen pregnant to help another person become a parent, a joy they already know for themselves first hand is how they cope with these emotions. For dads the world over, we are not able to carry a life inside us so we bond by talking with our unborn child and caressing our partner's pregnant belly. Great if your partner lives with you and you happen to be heterosexual, but again, what about Darren and I and other intended parents the world over who don't have that pregnant belly there with us? Many IPs we have spoken with talk about a fear of not bonding with their child when first born and I think this is normal. You are so detached from the daily realities of being pregnant that it's no wonder we have to sometimes pinch ourselves and reaffirm that YES, WE ARE PREGNANT! Many of us are not even in the same country as our unborn child for the majority of their pregnancy. Some are lucky to travel midway through the nine months and be there for ultrasounds etc bu the majority are not. We are relying on another human being to take care of our unborn child for us at a time in our lives when it is not yet possible for us to do so. We are kept in touch with 'our' pregnancy via email, skype and ultrasound photos via email. Fo Darren and I, our surrogate remains our angel and we know this is the case for most of us who have travelled down the path of commercial surrogacy. Without these woman willing to bear a child for us, our children would not be with us today, bringing unimaginable joy to our lives. Our surrogate is an amazing woman who has made being parents possible for us. This is the most wonderful time of our lives and something we previously only ever dreamed of. But this is not a dream, this is real. The bond we have with Noah was a natural, instant emotion we had the minute we knew he had entered this earth. We were not yet in the same country as him, yet to meet our son yet it was there for us. In Singapore, waiting for our flight to Mumbai we received the news we had been waiting to hear for what seemed like a lifetime....your baby has been born, congratulations! The first photo we received of Noah was of Dr Yash holding him minutes after he was born. Darren and I were amazed that this little life, our son was real and waiting for us in Mumbai. Waiting for his dads to arrive before he even knew we existed, before he had met us or knew how much we already loved him. More than anything in the world. This emotional roller coaster plays out I'm certain in 'normal' pregnancies too. There are mothers too who fear they will not bond with their newborn child when born. I guess this worry it heightened for those of us who have to go to such lengths as we do to bring a baby into our lives. Even more so to those of us unable to fall pregnant on the first, second, third, fourth, fifth and sometimes even sixth or seventh attempt. Our resolve at not losing focus on becoming parents amazes me. I have such admiration for these people and pray for their happy ending. I repeat, we both repeat to ourselves time and time again just how lucky we were to have success on our first attempt and to have a smooth text book pregnancy. Others have not been so lucky and it is heart breaking. The past three months have seen Noah, Daddy and Papa create some wonderful memories together and I thought I would share some of them with you now. So.....drumroll please. In no particular order, the first three months of life for Noah Robert have seen him enjoy the following adventures. Rushing about Bombay in an auto rickshaw less than a week old. Dining out with friends from the USA at three days of age. Of course taking his first international flight from India to Sydney and having his first complimentary upgrade at 17 days of age....thanks British Airways! Flying to Melbourne to meet his two wonderful uncles who have recently become dads themselves! YAY! Shopping with Daddy & Papa for his first pair of shoes. Enjoying yum-cha in Sydney with Papa and his friend Mel. And last but by no means least, sharing an in calculable amount of laughs, hugs and kisses with his two loving parents. We love and adore you so much our darling son. I pray we can live up to our expectations at being the best dads you could ever hope for.

To Our Darling Son Noah:

You were our dream of love, hope and joy. Then you were born to us, a perfect, darling baby boy.
Months spent praying for a safe arrival. Nights and days of tears and fears.
Now you are home with us, your parents for life. We're here for you, all of your years.
May life be kind, generous and always glad. You can always rely on us, your two loving dads.