Irrational Thoughts Be Gone!

Why oh why do I even give credit to these irrational and crazy thoughts??? Nothing will go wrong and our pregnancy & it shall be one of the smooth, trouble free ones that you read about. 9 months of bliss for our surrogate and Noddy!

> Thank you to God for taking care of our surrogate and keeping her in the best of health.

> Thank you for keeping Noddy growing steadily and as he/she should be.

> Thank you for watching over Dr Yash, Dr Sudhir, Dr Soni and everyone else caring for our
surrogate and Noddy.

> Thank you for keep Darren, Johnny and our families in the best of health, ready and waiting
for the day Noddy will join all of us .

> Thank you for the opportunity to be daddies and share our lives with our amazing child.

Celebration Photos & Week 15 Update

We just LOVE Sykpe! This week we were fortunate enough to catch our surrogate in SI's office again after some appointments and had the chance to see her beautiful face again! She is looking so well and had the most amazing glow in her face, she truly did!

Gopa also sent us some great photos of our surrogate opening her diwali gifts and she looked so happy. Dr Sudhir said that she was very grateful and happy with what we had sent her. We are so glad and are looking forward to sending a hamper full of Aussie goodies for Christmas time. We saw so many friendly faces at the SI office it made us both so melancholy to return to India now. Our surrogate was asking us when we were coming back to see her and we would love to be there now but financial and work constraints mean it's not likely I'm afraid...If anyone out there has some Qantas frequent flyer points they want to donate to us please feel free to do so!

We are coming into our 15th week of pregnancy which means only another five weeks until we hit the half way mark!!!!! Oh my, this is fact approaching and we have still so much to do. We are going to start our nursery preparations in the new year and we'll post photos of the before and after shots for your enjoyment.

We have a green check wallpaper in our study (that is to become Noddy's room) that needs to be removed, walls repainted, panelling installed, furniture painted and the list goes on. Luckily we have some handy family members who have agreed to help us as we are not that handy. Sure, we can put colours together and select some wonderful co-ordinating fabrics but, handy we aint!

Below is the 14 and a half'ish week baby belly care of wonderful Gopa at SI!

WEEK 15

This week your baby is around 93-104mm (3.4-4.1 inches) in length and weighs approximately 50 grams (1.75 ounces).

The fetus continues to grow rapidly and is starting to look more and more like a baby. The external ears and eyes are well developed and lanugo (a fine, downy hair) covers the body. As the neck further extends and the chin becomes prominent, the head becomes well defined. Your baby may now start to suck it's thumb.

Government Requirements & Week 14 Update

This week has seen us emailing the Australian Embassy in New Delhi back and forth and back and forth. The paper trail has us daunted again!

Under Australian law, any child born overseas to Australian parents is required to undergo DNA testing to prove their paternal/maternal link to obtain citizenship.

For us, this means we undergo mandatory DNA testing prior to travelling to India in April and then, once Noddy is born he/she must do the same.

Basically once Noddy is born, our time will be spent as follows:

Obtain birth certificate in Mumbai ~ Around 7 days to have this done

Noddy has his/her DNA test (preferably with the Consul General in Mumbai). The Embassy in New Delhi is considering each case of children born via surrogacy & hopefully Noddy will not have to come to Delhi too.

Once birth certificate is obtained, one of us will have to travel to the Australian Embassy in New Delhi to apply for citizenship by descent & then an Australian passport.

We then (hope) to return to Mumbai and await the courier for Noddy's passport and then off to the FRRO office for an exit visa....Argh!

There's nothing to stress about, right?

WEEK 14

This week your baby is about 80-89mm in length and weighs approximately 25 grams
(0.9 ounces). The head is now about one third of your baby's whole length and the neck continues to get longer, meaning that the chin no longer rests on the chest.

The placenta has fully developed and its rich network of blood vessels is functioning as your baby's life support system. The placenta also manufactures some of the pregnancy hormones. The umbilical cord is also completely mature and is made up of three entwined blood vessels (covered by a fatty layer). The large vein of the umbilical cord carries nourishment and oxygen rich blood to the fetus, while the two smaller arteries are responsible for carrying waste products and carbon dioxide from the fetus to the placenta, which then processes waste. The placenta also passes antibodies that help fight infections from the mother to the fetus. Your baby's circulation continues to develop and he/she can now swallow amniotic fluid, which is excreted as urine. Your baby starts to establish a sucking reflex, and exercises the muscles that will help him/her swallow and breath after birth.

The profile of your baby is now more human, and features such as chin, forehead and nose are are more clearly defined. Fingers and toes are becoming fully formed and the external genitals differentiate. By the end of this week your baby is fully formed. From here, he/she needs to mature.

We Welcome Our Second Trimester...Namaste

It really is true. The time does fly by. Months and months of waiting, emailing, blogging, travelling, emailing and then some more waiting and..voila the first trimester has been and gone.

Welcome Noddy to your second trimester, week 13! Not a single day goes by when your Daddies do not think of the wonder, joy and miracle that is life and the day when we will hold you and know you are our child.

The latest results from our surrogate's 12 week ultrasound and blood tests are excellent;

Noddy's heart rate ~ 178bpm
Gestational Age ~ 11 weeks & four days at 07-10-09
Estimated due date ~ 24-04-2010
No anomolies detected

We are so thankful to everyone who has made this dream a reality. Dr Sudhir and Dr Yash of Surrogacy India, Dr Pai who performed our egg transfer, Dr Soni who is regularly checking on Noddy's progress, our egg donor (a wonderful, selfless woman) and our surrogate who we constantly think of and pray for her good health.

Of course we also have the support of both our extended families, eagerly awaiting the arrival of the newest member to our family. We also have our faith and the love of God in our lives without whom none of this would be in the realm of possibility. We thank him every day for the gifts bestowed on us and will never forget the wonder of his creation. The dream of becoming parents is that one step closer and we are not letting go!

*******

WEEK 13

This week your baby is approximately 65-78mm (2.6-3.1 inches) long and weighs about 14-20 grams (0.5-0.7 ounces)

This week your baby starts to gro rapidly, and his/her body is now growing fater than the head. Maturation of the tissuesnd organs continues. The heart is beating at about twice the rate of a normal adult heart and can be detected using an ultrasonic device or Doppler.

12 week baby belly

Our day, week and month has been made today with photos from Dr Sudhir & Yash of our wonderful surrogate and a 'baby belly'!

Our surrogate is looking really well and has put on weight in her face from when we met her. We are both so elated at receiving these wonderful photos and want to share them with you.

Double Marker Test

Well the results are in. Last night before bed and after checking the email for the 250th time that day, there were our double marker results...

1:949 chance of trisomy 21
1:5172 chance of trisomy 18

We couldn't be happier and our results done on the 24th September show Noddy's gestational age at 9 weeks and four days which means on the Monday the 12th October, the same day that Darren starts his new job we will officially begin our second trimester. We have joined an online parent website & forum, http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/ and we are receiving weekly updates on how Noddy should be progressing and this is it for week 11:

Week 11

Your baby is approximately 44-60mm (1.75-2.4 inches) long and weighs about 8 grams
(0.3 ounces). Rapid growth occurs during this time period. The head is still large, and takes up almost half of the entire length of the body. The eyes are formed, although the eyelids remain closed while they continue to develop. The rest of the face is also formed. Your baby's body has straightened out, and bones and ribs appear. Although your baby can now respond to touch, you won't yet be able to feel it move. Nutrients pass from your body into the placenta and umbilical cord to feed your baby and support his/her rapid growth.

Johnny is in the process of preparing a hamper full of treats and body products to send our wonderful surrogate since we won't be able to visit mid pregnancy although we would love to. We are both saving our holidays for when Noddy arrives so we can have the most amount of time together as a family. With Darren starting a new job soon we are hoping that he will be permitted to have more than just two weeks annual leave in April 2010 (fingers crossed).

Other highlights this week include buying a cot. We have been trying to find something that will suit our French Provencial decorated home and we wanted it to be just right. We ended up finding a beautiful white sleigh cot that converts to a toddler bed too and we saved $650 off the retail price so how can one not be happy!

We will convert our study into Noddy's nursery and our front guest room will become our new study. It is more than twice the size of our current study and means will will still be able to have guets stay over as we're going to buy an ottoman sofa bed to pop in there too. On the list of other things to do before Noddy joins us;




Build cupboards in our upstairs loft which will become our permanent bedroom
Install new floorboards downstairs as the carpet is looking tiiired
Repaint skirting boards downstairs prior to floorboards being installed
Paint Noddy's bedroom

We have six months in which to do the above and other things too tedious to mention here. Thankfully we're coming into our Summer months and daylight saving starts this Sunday and runs for a full six months so we're gonna be OK.

Sympathy Baby Brain & Delusions of Pram Grandeur

We must be suffering from sympathy baby brain or at least that's the angle we're playing at the moment. Johnny had thought we were coming into our nineth week of pregnancy from today (the 21st September) but we are in fact in our tenth week. Or at least I think so.


Dr Sudhir has confirmed that our surrogate will be having her double marker test this Friday the 25th and, typically this is done around the tenth week of gestation. We are both amazed that we are almost at the end of the first trimester. It has almost been three whole months since Noddy was created and we are amazed every day at the wonderful gift of life being offered to us by our surrogate and Drs Sudhir & Yash.


Both Johnny & Darren have been missing India, the Drs at Surrogacy India and the wonderful people we met there two months ago now. I wish we were closer so we could visit them again. Reading other IP's blogs about their first time arriving into Mumbai and travelling around the city is really making us both melancholy. Silly we know but this is how we're feeling. We also want to be back in Mumbai to see our surrogate again; just to see her and say over and over how much what she is doing for us means to all our family. We are all so blessed and amazed at her generosity and selflesness.


Yesterday was the last day of the Sydney Baby Expo and Johnny and his mum decided to go together. Unfortunately Darren had to work but since it was the last day and all we had to go. To date, most of our spare time is spent either online browsing every imaginable baby website and forum deciding on which pram is best, which nappies are best, debating the pros and cons of paccifers vs self soothing, which formula we should be using, bottles we should be using etc etc etc. It is never ending & there is so much information out there. We are now asking ourselves if this is necessarily a good thing? Hmmm?


Combine this with the mountain (and we mean mountain) of baby catalogues, books & magazines taking over our study we are on the way to knowing all there is about how to prepare for a newborn baby....We're sure this will all fly out the window when Noddy actually joins our family & we'll be just as dumbfounded, scared to death & amazed as any other new parent.


Back to the baby expo & in particular, prams. There are so may choices when it comes to prams and strollers out there we are still undecided as to which pram is best for us.


In a moment of baby brain disillusionment, Johnny had dreams of the Silver Cross Kensington or Balmoral baby carriage...see below picture for the jolt back to reality!





One exhibitor at the expo was Silver Cross & I was so excited to finally see their entire range in the flesh after months and months of brochure adoration. One thing on the above carriage is that it is HUGE! HUGE I TELL YOU......HUGE!


Now I should also tell you, dear reader that the above baby carriage weighs in at a hefty 37KG or 81.4LBS, is 125cm high, 59cm wide and 133cm long. It also does not collapse at all and am told first hand by the exhibitor that Silver Cross are yet to find a vehicle big enough to fit this thing into. But, for those of you out there willing to forgo practicality and more than a few thousand dollars, dream a little dream with me


http://www.silvercross.com.au/balmoral_pram.php


For us however, it is a sudden jolt back to reality since all our savings will be spent on surrogacy. We now present you with our pram of choice below!

9 Week Update

We are now into our eighth week of pregnancy and last week received our latest test results from Drs Yash & Sudhir on how our wonderful surrogate is progressing.

We received full blood work results including blood sugar levels, thyroid function tests, glycosylated hemoglobin (had to look this one up on GOOGLE) & full urine test results. ON first reading of these results the non medially trained amongst us will definitely have some questions as we did. The internet and GOOGLE are an invaluable tool is deciphering these tests and answering our questions.

Our surrogate is very healthy and doing well according to Dr Yash. Our next update should be in a couple of weeks time when we will have the 'double marker' test via ultrasound to check if there is a risk of down syndrome. The past two weeks since our 'heartbeat' result have flown by and both Darren and Johnny were amazed at how quickly the first two months of pregnancy have gone by. Our only wish would be that we were closer to India so that we could visit our surrogate and the fantastic people at Surrogacy India. We really miss them & are so looking forward to April 2010 when we will return. One of the great things keeping us going is all the other blogs from people around the world in the same boat as us. We check our emails and blog updates daily waiting for the next update from intending parents the world over. This and the SI online forum which has been a blessing of information & support to us in our early stages of research and planning.

Patience is a virtue we are quickly learning.

Our Wait Is Over

We have just heard from Dr Yash & Sudhir at Surrogacy India and our ultrasound results are:



A Single live foetus is noted well defined in gestation sac with good choriodecidual reaction. Yolk sac is identfied & fetal cardiac activity is well appreciated.



WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6 weeks and 4 days according to the sonolgy report.

Just in time for Fathers day here in Australia.

Noddy, we already love you so very much our darling little one.

Waiting for Noddy's Heartbeat

Isn't the anguish of waiting supposed to be over now that we are pregnant?

Ha!

There is always something we are waiting to hear about or anxious to know, so the waiting and not knowing continues to haunt us. Johnny is repeating to himself that 'no news is good news' but it is very difficult being on a computer for work all day and trying not be distracted by everything baby.

Some of the happy news from intending parents who went to India in July/August has turned very sad; two couples we know of who had a positive pregnancy have recently miscarried and it's terribly, terribly sad. We can't begin to express to these wonderful people how we feel for them & it makes us even more grateful that we are still pregnant. Thank you Lord.

From our conversations with Drs Sudhir & Yash, our wonderful surrogate is feeling well and in good health. Dr Sudhir said the other day that when our SM next comes into their office he will take a couple of new photos for us. What a great guy!

We are expecting the latest ulstrasound results from Dr Sudhir either tomorrow night or Saturday night (we hope) confirming Noddy's heartbeat. 48 hours seems like such a long time!

Happy Birthday Darren & Our Ultrasound Result

Darren had his 40th birthday on the 19th August & we have been celebrating with family & friends over the past fourteen days or so. A very merry unbirthday to you!

Festivities started with our annual 'August Birthday' dinner/lunch at our place on Sunday the 16th August. Darren, his sister and brother are all born in August and we typically have a shared birthday celebration at our place. This year was a BBQ lunch since we had an early taste of our approaching Summer. What a lovely day we all had, great food with our extended family celebrating our love for each other and celebrating the exciting news of the soon to be new addition to our family; Noddy!

The actual day of Darren's birthday, 19 August we both had to work so were invited to enjoy probably our last Winter roast dinner at our dear friend's home - roasted lamb & veg. We were quickly reminded that although three days earlier we were enjoying a taste of Summer, we are still in the grasp of Winter! We live in the Blue Mountains, West of Sydney and were reminded that it is still infact Winter and three seasons in one day is not uncommon.

We spent the night with our dear friends Tanya & Trent and their three children. Thanks Tannie for the wonderful banoffee pies you made (another favourite of Darren's).

To further celebrate the four decades of DRD, we had dinner with Johnny's mum & dad two days later on Friday the 21st. We ordered take out to keep things easy - - - of course we ate too much and had to finish off with chocolate cake.

Three days later the extravaganza continued with an hour long massage with a local masseuse who also specialised in reiki. Johnny has not been to this particular woman but Darren and Tanya both have & both fall asleep after one of her massages so there's something good going on here.

This now brings us to the weekend that just was; 29 & 30 August & the final installment of the DRD chronicles, chapter 40.

Johnny's sister, brother in law and two nieces travelled to the Mountains from the NSW North Coast on Friday night to spend the weekend with us. Friday night was a catch up, wine and curry night after the long drive from Newcastle via Sydney. Saturday morning, Johnny, Murray & the girls went to source supplies for Saturday nights dinner, a BBQ with Johnny's side of the family. Dinner was fantastic & lots of fun; sticky ginger/garlic ribs, soft shell salt & pepper crab, satay chicken & salads kept the menu easy and dessert was....WOW!

Johnny's younger sister is a head chef at a Sydney golf and country club and has recently started pastry cooking and in particular has an interest in cake decorating. Becky made the most amazing 40th birthday cake for Darren and it was utterly delicious. Three tiers of chocolate and coconut cake with lashings of smooth ganache, iced to perfection. It was a masterpiece and she did a great job. Thanks Beck!

The weekend finished on Sunday with an afternoon rendezvous at a local golf club with friends & family for drinks, food, laughter and...barefoot lawn bowls. Hilariously fun is really the only way to describe the day. We had a blast and thanks to everyone for making it so special & the effort for travelling up to see Darren.

During the weekend's activities, we did speak with Dr Yash regarding our ultrasound. The line was not the best and there was loads of background noise but the news is good. We have yet to receive our written report but we have one gestational sac well implanted from what we could hear Dr Yash saying.

Now an update from Dr Wikipedia on this most recent medical update;

The gestational sac (or gestation sac) is the only available intrauterine structure that can be used to determine if an intrauterine pregnancy (IUP) exists, until the embryo is identified.
On ultrasound, it is an anechoic (dark) space surrounded by a hyperchoic (white) rim.
It is spherical in shape, and usually located in the upper uterine fundus.
The mean gestational sac diameter (MGD) is an effective estimate of gestational age[1] between 5 and 6 weeks, with an accuracy of about +/- 5 days. [2]
The yolk sac and embryo should be readily identified when the gestational sac reaches a certain size and the yolk sac is 20 mm in size or the fetal pole is 25 mm in size.

We are both overwhelmed and greatful to have made it this far. We pray that our wonderful surrogate stays healthy and happy & we now look forward to our next U/S to check for Noddy's heartbeat. We have never before been so scared about losing something we have not even seen yet or realised as part of our life. The dream of becoming fathers through surrogacy is fragile and fraught with uncertainty. All we can do is remain positive & pray Noddy wants to be with us as much as we do with him/her.

The Waiting Game

By all accounts we are just under six weeks pregnant & any news from the doctors at SI is like a drug, our fix if you will. This makes the waiting game for our next piece of news easier to cope with.

Waiting for news from India on how our surrogate is feeling and our pregnancy progressing is starting to send Johnny more than Darren crazy. It's when we're waiting for news that the irrational thoughts enter your head. Those undergoing surrogacy in India and other parts of the world will know exactly what we mean here;

"I haven't heard today beacuase.....(insert your own disater or bad news)"

Of course we know that both Drs Sudhir & Yash are very busy and run off their feet. Working with couples from around the world offering a service unlike any other we have heard of. Very personalised with great care shown to intending parents. Our time in Mumbai with then was testament to this work ethic. There has been such good news of late coming from India; the birth of three baby boys to couples in the USA and Australia and positive pregnancies from August cyclers. April and May 2010 will be a very exciting time for those of us returning to India to complete our family.

We should have that all important next update if not today tomorrow we hope. Our first ultrasound result & are waiting with baited breath.

We Are Pregnant!

Our two week wait is now offically over. We have had the very exciting news from Drs Sudhir & Yash that our amazing surrogate is confirmed pregnant with our child!!!

Our beta or 'HCG' levels to date are as follows:

12 days past ovulation - 69

17 days past ovulation - 441

What is a beta I hear you ask?
The 'beta' is the blood test one takes to confirm their pregnancy. The test measures the amount of HCG in your bloodstream. In very early pregnancy, the numbers might not be very high but they should quickly increase. A single HCG level can't really tell you much about your pregnancy but watching the increase over several days is one way of measuring the viability of the pregnancy. There is a large variation in beta numbers in a "normal" pregnancy. Caution must be used in making too much of HCG numbers. An ultrasound at five or six weeks of pregnancy can better predict a good pregnancy outcome than any number of beta tests. As a note, you won't expect to see a gestational sac or the fetus until the HCG level reaches at least 1,200 mIU/ml. And you probably won't see a heartbeat until that level reaches at least 6,000 mIU/ml.

Good steady increases indicating a strong singleton pregnancy. We'll have our first ultrasound in seven days time to check the position of our embryo and that it's well and truly happy in our surrogates uterine lining & the following week will be the all important ultrasound to check for Noddy's heartbeat. At this stage we are both over the moon and enjoying the moment. It is amazing to think that we are already four weeks pregnant by the account of the doctors at Surrogacy India - WOW! Both Darren and I are so very grateful to the wonderful DRs at SI, our ED and SM and the other people who have made our dream of being parents come true.

Noddy will be with us before we know it.

Farewell India, We're Home & Reflection

Day 7
The morning of our last day in India. We spent the better half of the day lazing around our hotel room, packing our luggage, ordering room service and enjoying every last ounce of our room at the Taj. We had a late check out but did not use it as we had agreed with the docs from SI to meet one last time at Lilavati for our goodbyes and meet our new friends from Victoria there.

We left Drs Yash & Sudhir in the early afternoon and went back to the guy’s hotel closer to the airport for some farewell cocktails & an early dinner. They have been amazing and it has been a better experience having shared this with the two of them.

Our flight home was long but necessary so we're not complaining. This brings us to our newest mantra having seen how the millions of those living in poverty in Mumbai survive day to day. We have nothing to complain about - NOTHING! Our home, humble to us is unimaginable to many in India. We both have stable, secure jobs a bountiful supply of food & clean drinking water...from any tap in the house or garden. The number of people living on the street, sleeping on the sidewalks, under bridges was a sobering experience for the both of us.
Happily riding in our air conditioned car from our hotel to the hospital, apartments, hotels and restaurants; the plight of the poor is hard to fathom and put into words. It has changed how we view the world. How could it not?

Reflection
Now home, back to our reality it is easy to become dismissive of what we experienced in Mumbai. Meeting Drs Yash, Sudhir, Soni and all the other fantastic people who are making our dreams reality was a highlight of course. However the people we met on the street and in the places we visisted made the experience very real and for that we are thankful.

Our new friends from Victoria who shared this experience with us - thank you! Your friendship & the laughter shared have made becoming parents an even more amazing experience than we could have imagined.
The people we encountered during our week in India have been utterly beautiful. Our amazing surrogate, her mother, caretaker, sister and the people in the street. All caring, beautiful and amazing.

A 'taste' of fatherhood whilst in India....What a beauty (the two of them).

xxx

The results are in....that high tide!

MUMBAI: The civic body, which was on its toes for the last two days as high tides measuring over 5 metres hit the city's shores, has warned of similar occurrence for next two-three years because of global warming and called for steps to stop possible flooding. "We must consider ourselves lucky as there were no heavy rain (along with tides) and hence the effect was not much. But due to global warming more such high tides will hit the city in next two-three years," Municipal commissioner Jairaj Phatak said. We must learn from our sister cities - St Petersburg, Barcelona and New York - who faced similar situation like Mumbai, but have come out with their own solutions, he said. "At St Petersburg, they constructed a dam outside the city limit and also a wall because of which the high tide does not hit the city directly. Though this is not possible for a city like Mumbai, which is surrounded by sea, but we will study what other cities have done and would then think what can be done here," Phatak said. The civic officials had warned of July 26, 2005-like deluge as the city today witnessed a 5.05 metre high tide, but fortunately heavy rains did not coincide with the tide. Brihanmumbai Municipal Corporation (BMC) was geared up for the day and had taken several precautionary measures, like evacuating people from low-lying areas.



Johnny was chatting with an old work colleague living in Mumbai yesterday confirming we'll all meet up for a spot of eating and shopping perhaps while in India.



FIVE SLEEPS TO GO!!!



Readers of the 'Mikes' blog will remember their gorgeous kurtas purchased whilst on baby pick up & Johnny has wanted one ever since; picture attached FYI. Shobs (Mumbai pal) assures us that the rain is really not that bad and hey, when in Rome!

Being Scared

Darren and I have often spoken of how he felt around the age I am now and how the thought of having a child and being a parent was something, as an openly gay man he had given up on.

Being openly gay negated any chance of having a family of your own and that was that.

There are gay men out there who marry and feign a happy, heterosexual relationship so that they can have a family. We know such men, some are still married and others have since left their wives & former families, with sad consequences.

The catalyst for our journey to India and starting our family was on our last overseas holiday together to Fiji. We had such a relaxing week away, enjoying our island paradise. Perfect weather, blue skies and warm water. There were a couple of families there with very small children and one day during happy hour I started balling, crying like a baby. I was overwhelemed by this feeling of missed opportunity. Darren and I spoke of his dreams of being a dad when he was in his late twenties just after we met. I was too young at that point and too selfish a 19 year old to have been able to truly empathise. Parenthood had yet to enter my mind. One couple in their late 40s began chatting with Darren and said 'why not do it'. And that was that. We returned home and seriously discussed parenthood as a reality for the two of us.

Now, 12 years on in our relationship and 12 years older I'm scared that the dream we both are trying so desperatley to realise is still as elusive as ever. Just because we want this does not mean it will happen.

This week has seen some very, very sad news from India. Surrogates who have lost children well into their pregnancies and parents devastated. I'm scared.

This affects so many people; the intending parents, their families, friends and then everyone in India trying to help us all. Surrogates, their families, the docs and our extended support network. Devastating news is just terrible and I long for hope, positive news and that silver lining. Ever the optimist I believe it is there for us. I pray it is.

This year will be Darren's 40th birthday and four days before this big day we anticipate will be an even bigger day. Around the 15th of August or there abouts we will know the results of our attempt at falling pregnant. One of many hurdles in the next 9 1/2 months til our Noddy will join us and complete our lives.

We are, as well prepared as we can be. Flights and accommodation are booked. Passports have been returned and visas issued. Our ED has been confirmed by Dr S and our SM whoever she may be will be ready too.

We both want this to be a positive experience for everyone involved...It will be.