Thursday, July 16, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
To ICSI or not to ICSI, that is the question
This is our latest dilema as we approach the four week mark til we travel to India....Four weeks and both Darren I are relatively calm. It must be the herbal tea and listening to Enya.
Everthing is now well and truly organised for our week in Mumbai and as we have virtually run out of questions...almost, we're preparing for our imminent departure to Mother India and a new question comes to mind: do we want to take advantage of ICSI?
ICSI or Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection is the process where by one sperm is injected directly into the egg increasing the chance of fertilisation & the numbers of embryos we have to transfer to our SM and freeze for subsequent FET if need be.
Originally to help combat male infertility issues ICSI is a great tool made available to men whose sperm count is lower than the considered norm; 20,000,000 per ml. Our tests performed in December of last year showed a sperm count of 19,000,000 per ml so not bad but not above the average.
Given our ED is relatively young and fertile (we hope) and we have been taking a fertility supliment (menevit) daily now for almost 60 days we should be OK but nothing on this journey is certain and both Darren and I want to ensure we give ourselves the best chance possible of a positive first time round.
Will ICSI offer this best chance? We hope so...time will tell.
Everthing is now well and truly organised for our week in Mumbai and as we have virtually run out of questions...almost, we're preparing for our imminent departure to Mother India and a new question comes to mind: do we want to take advantage of ICSI?
ICSI or Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection is the process where by one sperm is injected directly into the egg increasing the chance of fertilisation & the numbers of embryos we have to transfer to our SM and freeze for subsequent FET if need be.
Originally to help combat male infertility issues ICSI is a great tool made available to men whose sperm count is lower than the considered norm; 20,000,000 per ml. Our tests performed in December of last year showed a sperm count of 19,000,000 per ml so not bad but not above the average.
Given our ED is relatively young and fertile (we hope) and we have been taking a fertility supliment (menevit) daily now for almost 60 days we should be OK but nothing on this journey is certain and both Darren and I want to ensure we give ourselves the best chance possible of a positive first time round.
Will ICSI offer this best chance? We hope so...time will tell.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Being Scared
Darren and I have often spoken of how he felt around the age I am now and how the thought of having a child and being a parent was something, as an openly gay man he had given up on.
Being openly gay negated any chance of having a family of your own and that was that.
There are gay men out there who marry and feign a happy, heterosexual relationship so that they can have a family. We know such men, some are still married and others have since left their wives & former families, with sad consequences.
The catalyst for our journey to India and starting our family was on our last overseas holiday together to Fiji. We had such a relaxing week away, enjoying our island paradise. Perfect weather, blue skies and warm water. There were a couple of families there with very small children and one day during happy hour I started balling, crying like a baby. I was overwhelemed by this feeling of missed opportunity. Darren and I spoke of his dreams of being a dad when he was in his late twenties just after we met. I was too young at that point and too selfish a 19 year old to have been able to truly empathise. Parenthood had yet to enter my mind. One couple in their late 40s began chatting with Darren and said 'why not do it'. And that was that. We returned home and seriously discussed parenthood as a reality for the two of us.
Now, 12 years on in our relationship and 12 years older I'm scared that the dream we both are trying so desperatley to realise is still as elusive as ever. Just because we want this does not mean it will happen.
This week has seen some very, very sad news from India. Surrogates who have lost children well into their pregnancies and parents devastated. I'm scared.
This affects so many people; the intending parents, their families, friends and then everyone in India trying to help us all. Surrogates, their families, the docs and our extended support network. Devastating news is just terrible and I long for hope, positive news and that silver lining. Ever the optimist I believe it is there for us. I pray it is.
This year will be Darren's 40th birthday and four days before this big day we anticipate will be an even bigger day. Around the 15th of August or there abouts we will know the results of our attempt at falling pregnant. One of many hurdles in the next 9 1/2 months til our Noddy will join us and complete our lives.
We are, as well prepared as we can be. Flights and accommodation are booked. Passports have been returned and visas issued. Our ED has been confirmed by Dr S and our SM whoever she may be will be ready too.
We both want this to be a positive experience for everyone involved...It will be.
Being openly gay negated any chance of having a family of your own and that was that.
There are gay men out there who marry and feign a happy, heterosexual relationship so that they can have a family. We know such men, some are still married and others have since left their wives & former families, with sad consequences.
The catalyst for our journey to India and starting our family was on our last overseas holiday together to Fiji. We had such a relaxing week away, enjoying our island paradise. Perfect weather, blue skies and warm water. There were a couple of families there with very small children and one day during happy hour I started balling, crying like a baby. I was overwhelemed by this feeling of missed opportunity. Darren and I spoke of his dreams of being a dad when he was in his late twenties just after we met. I was too young at that point and too selfish a 19 year old to have been able to truly empathise. Parenthood had yet to enter my mind. One couple in their late 40s began chatting with Darren and said 'why not do it'. And that was that. We returned home and seriously discussed parenthood as a reality for the two of us.
Now, 12 years on in our relationship and 12 years older I'm scared that the dream we both are trying so desperatley to realise is still as elusive as ever. Just because we want this does not mean it will happen.
This week has seen some very, very sad news from India. Surrogates who have lost children well into their pregnancies and parents devastated. I'm scared.
This affects so many people; the intending parents, their families, friends and then everyone in India trying to help us all. Surrogates, their families, the docs and our extended support network. Devastating news is just terrible and I long for hope, positive news and that silver lining. Ever the optimist I believe it is there for us. I pray it is.
This year will be Darren's 40th birthday and four days before this big day we anticipate will be an even bigger day. Around the 15th of August or there abouts we will know the results of our attempt at falling pregnant. One of many hurdles in the next 9 1/2 months til our Noddy will join us and complete our lives.
We are, as well prepared as we can be. Flights and accommodation are booked. Passports have been returned and visas issued. Our ED has been confirmed by Dr S and our SM whoever she may be will be ready too.
We both want this to be a positive experience for everyone involved...It will be.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Our Surrogate: M.I.A
OK, I tried being pateint really I did but I couldn't wait any longer.
I sent an email to our clinic two days ago just checking up on the final logistics and legalities prior to coming to Mumbai in 52 DAYS and...no reply. I know from other IPs that the docs are really, really busy and both Darren and I are patient people but this was too much!
We are both so excited that our self imposed 'wait one week after sending an email' curfew went flying out the window, and just as well. We have just spoken with Dr S and our chosen surrogate, who we have had in our prayers and thoughts for months now is uncontactable, on extended holiday, M.I.A.
Many Indians enjoy vacation during the months of May and June and this is not uncommon or a first so I was a ready for the inevitable shock & disappointment.
BUGGER! We did not want to have to select another SM but, never mind. So again we find ourselves reading profiles and trying to select the best woman for the job (so to speak). How does one do this? Nevertheless we found a way to & again are happy with our choice. I am still mourning the loss of our first SM as I had played out our meeting a thousand times over in my head and we have her picture with us and talk about her and our ED regularly.
Dr S assures me that everything else is on schedule and our ED is ready for our arrival. I don't doubt him for one minute. Both Darren and I are very pleased with the service we have received from Surrogacy India and would recommend them in a heart beat.
http://www.surrogacyindia.com
Wow, the countdown to becoming parents has really begun!
I sent an email to our clinic two days ago just checking up on the final logistics and legalities prior to coming to Mumbai in 52 DAYS and...no reply. I know from other IPs that the docs are really, really busy and both Darren and I are patient people but this was too much!
We are both so excited that our self imposed 'wait one week after sending an email' curfew went flying out the window, and just as well. We have just spoken with Dr S and our chosen surrogate, who we have had in our prayers and thoughts for months now is uncontactable, on extended holiday, M.I.A.
Many Indians enjoy vacation during the months of May and June and this is not uncommon or a first so I was a ready for the inevitable shock & disappointment.
BUGGER! We did not want to have to select another SM but, never mind. So again we find ourselves reading profiles and trying to select the best woman for the job (so to speak). How does one do this? Nevertheless we found a way to & again are happy with our choice. I am still mourning the loss of our first SM as I had played out our meeting a thousand times over in my head and we have her picture with us and talk about her and our ED regularly.
Dr S assures me that everything else is on schedule and our ED is ready for our arrival. I don't doubt him for one minute. Both Darren and I are very pleased with the service we have received from Surrogacy India and would recommend them in a heart beat.
http://www.surrogacyindia.com
Wow, the countdown to becoming parents has really begun!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Reflection & Count Down to EPU
This week has been one of reflection. We're now 62 days until we both travel to India to meet the Drs at SI and have our EPU.
We had great news yesterday from Darren’s GM that his leave has been approved for July, so we're both officially approved to travel, YAY!
After the recent 60 minutes report on channel 9 on two gay dads from Melbourne and their journey to India for surrogacy and the birth of their twin girls and my subsequent blogging (non stop) and reading the replies to the story, I was really disheartened & was left feeling flat and deflated.
Are we doing the right thing by bringing a child(ren) into our lives? Are we selfish and only focused on our needs and not thinking of the affect two dads will have on our child(ren)? Can two men love a child(ren) as much as a man and woman? Are we really prepared for the major changes in our lives after 12 years of just the two of us?
HELL YES!
Lesson learned, I will not be reading anything online or otherwise that will leave either of us upset or question our love, ability and capability of raising a
child(ren) and providing a safe, secure and stable home with
two loving parents.
Bloody GOOGLE and the internet I tell you! Most remarks on the 60 minutes story were positive but the negative responses really had an affect on me. I spoke with my younger sister and best friend Tans who both offered sympathetic ears and listened to my ranting and raving. I also visited another online parenting forum; mostly Aussie mothers and 99% of their posts were in support of Trevor & Pete.
Being able to provide a home where ones child is loved, supported, encouraged and given the chance to grow up in our ever changing world accepting everyone as their equal without prejudice is paramount as far as we are both concerned.
This is the family life we will have with Noddy.
We have a multitude of loving female influences in our lives and all will be a part of our child’s life too. Our mothers, sisters, aunts and female friends will bless our new family with the love and support needed for a well rounded stable life for our Noddy.
As we draw closer to our travel date to India, I’ll post a couple of more times but then we’ll be off the radar for a while. We want to have our 2WW praying for our positive, which we believe we will have and enjoy being drunk in the moment of bliss.
We will then post a few weeks after that, toward the end of August, beginning of September when we (fingers and toes) will be around five/six weeks pregnant.
We had great news yesterday from Darren’s GM that his leave has been approved for July, so we're both officially approved to travel, YAY!
After the recent 60 minutes report on channel 9 on two gay dads from Melbourne and their journey to India for surrogacy and the birth of their twin girls and my subsequent blogging (non stop) and reading the replies to the story, I was really disheartened & was left feeling flat and deflated.
Are we doing the right thing by bringing a child(ren) into our lives? Are we selfish and only focused on our needs and not thinking of the affect two dads will have on our child(ren)? Can two men love a child(ren) as much as a man and woman? Are we really prepared for the major changes in our lives after 12 years of just the two of us?
HELL YES!
Lesson learned, I will not be reading anything online or otherwise that will leave either of us upset or question our love, ability and capability of raising a
child(ren) and providing a safe, secure and stable home with
two loving parents.
Bloody GOOGLE and the internet I tell you! Most remarks on the 60 minutes story were positive but the negative responses really had an affect on me. I spoke with my younger sister and best friend Tans who both offered sympathetic ears and listened to my ranting and raving. I also visited another online parenting forum; mostly Aussie mothers and 99% of their posts were in support of Trevor & Pete.
Being able to provide a home where ones child is loved, supported, encouraged and given the chance to grow up in our ever changing world accepting everyone as their equal without prejudice is paramount as far as we are both concerned.
This is the family life we will have with Noddy.
We have a multitude of loving female influences in our lives and all will be a part of our child’s life too. Our mothers, sisters, aunts and female friends will bless our new family with the love and support needed for a well rounded stable life for our Noddy.
As we draw closer to our travel date to India, I’ll post a couple of more times but then we’ll be off the radar for a while. We want to have our 2WW praying for our positive, which we believe we will have and enjoy being drunk in the moment of bliss.
We will then post a few weeks after that, toward the end of August, beginning of September when we (fingers and toes) will be around five/six weeks pregnant.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Blood Tests, Detox & Fertility Supplements
10 weeks and counting!
It has been a great couple of weeks and neither Darren nor I have been stressed or worrying about our upcoming trip. More to the point, it has been great and we've both been focusing on the days ahead and taking each new dawn in our stride.
This has been important for me especially as I was getting myself worked up, spending too much time on the net and over analysing this whole process. This was affecting me immensely and I was finding it difficult focusing on work and the day to day trivialities of life. Since our last post we have been 'offline' more than usual and taking a bit of a back seat when it comes to our surrogacy journey.
Another gay couple from Melbourne have just had their babies via a different Mumbai clinic to the one we are using and now have twin girls in their lives. They are so adorable & 60 minutes Australia will be doing a story on their journey going to air this Sunday the 24th May on channel 9.
This week we started on a male fertility supplement called ‘menevit’ which, combined with a caffeine and alcohol 90 day detox will hopefully give us a bit of a hand in ensuring a positive result first time round. We both pray this is the case and believe it will be.
This morning saw Johnny having a second round of blood work done screening him for infectious nasties and other requirements from our clinic. This is the second time since enrolling with SI and hopefully the last. I am not a fan of needles, such a wimp!
Darren has already finished all of his blood work and we have injections only leading up to July.
I'll be sending my passport to the Indian Embassy in the next 14 days to have our visas issued and then...full steam ahead for travel to Mumbai.
Daddy & Pappa are on their way Noddy!
It has been a great couple of weeks and neither Darren nor I have been stressed or worrying about our upcoming trip. More to the point, it has been great and we've both been focusing on the days ahead and taking each new dawn in our stride.
This has been important for me especially as I was getting myself worked up, spending too much time on the net and over analysing this whole process. This was affecting me immensely and I was finding it difficult focusing on work and the day to day trivialities of life. Since our last post we have been 'offline' more than usual and taking a bit of a back seat when it comes to our surrogacy journey.
Another gay couple from Melbourne have just had their babies via a different Mumbai clinic to the one we are using and now have twin girls in their lives. They are so adorable & 60 minutes Australia will be doing a story on their journey going to air this Sunday the 24th May on channel 9.
This week we started on a male fertility supplement called ‘menevit’ which, combined with a caffeine and alcohol 90 day detox will hopefully give us a bit of a hand in ensuring a positive result first time round. We both pray this is the case and believe it will be.
This morning saw Johnny having a second round of blood work done screening him for infectious nasties and other requirements from our clinic. This is the second time since enrolling with SI and hopefully the last. I am not a fan of needles, such a wimp!
Darren has already finished all of his blood work and we have injections only leading up to July.
I'll be sending my passport to the Indian Embassy in the next 14 days to have our visas issued and then...full steam ahead for travel to Mumbai.
Daddy & Pappa are on their way Noddy!
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Taking a Step Back & Patience
It's now Tuesday and officially I am on day three of my internet detox program - four days to go.
Last week I managed to work myself into a bit of a lather. Ha! What an understatement. My mind was ticking over and over and over and over. All I could think of was India, SI and our journey and what is ahead of us. It doesn't help any that I am on a computer for work five days a week for at least nine hours a day and I have Dr Google at my disposal whenever I choose.
This week it has been decided that I will have a break from the online forums, parent websites and Dr Google to give my mind and body time to relax. This is not easy as many IPs will agree but I have to do this.
The weekend was easy as Darren's mother and her partner are now on the start of their five week European holiday so I spent Saturday helping pack and shuttle them to the International Airport. By the time I arrived home I was tired and decided instead of mowing the lawn and folding the washing I would have a kip with the boys.
Now up to this point I don't think I've mentioned our four legged babies; Oliver and Billy.
We have two beautiful Burmese cats that are our babies and strictly indoor cats. I awoke late in the afternoon and decided to spend the rest of the time before Dazz came home cooking. I love cooking and entertaining and last Autumn tried my hand at preserving quince. What a disaster!
Never one to be discouraged I had bought six beautifully intoxicating quince from our local fruit purveyor and being the start of the season they were perfect to preserve. The next six or so hours I was hovering over the stove stirring and waiting for the ruby red colour indicating the quince were done.....I set my alarm for 1.30am people, to check the quince were cooked to perfection and; voila! In my early morning daze I was greeted by the overwhelming scent of soft, deliciously perfect preserved quince.
I'm doing some more this Saturday and this has become my new game plan.
When I have spare time on my hands I'm going to be cooking, cleaning or gardening. Anything I can do around the home to pass the time enjoyably without worrying about Noddy's arrival.
Both Darren and I are confident that our Noddy will be on his/her way to being a part of our family by the beginning of August and we will be pregnant so really I have nothing to worry about, neither of us do.
Last week I managed to work myself into a bit of a lather. Ha! What an understatement. My mind was ticking over and over and over and over. All I could think of was India, SI and our journey and what is ahead of us. It doesn't help any that I am on a computer for work five days a week for at least nine hours a day and I have Dr Google at my disposal whenever I choose.
This week it has been decided that I will have a break from the online forums, parent websites and Dr Google to give my mind and body time to relax. This is not easy as many IPs will agree but I have to do this.
The weekend was easy as Darren's mother and her partner are now on the start of their five week European holiday so I spent Saturday helping pack and shuttle them to the International Airport. By the time I arrived home I was tired and decided instead of mowing the lawn and folding the washing I would have a kip with the boys.
Now up to this point I don't think I've mentioned our four legged babies; Oliver and Billy.
We have two beautiful Burmese cats that are our babies and strictly indoor cats. I awoke late in the afternoon and decided to spend the rest of the time before Dazz came home cooking. I love cooking and entertaining and last Autumn tried my hand at preserving quince. What a disaster!
Never one to be discouraged I had bought six beautifully intoxicating quince from our local fruit purveyor and being the start of the season they were perfect to preserve. The next six or so hours I was hovering over the stove stirring and waiting for the ruby red colour indicating the quince were done.....I set my alarm for 1.30am people, to check the quince were cooked to perfection and; voila! In my early morning daze I was greeted by the overwhelming scent of soft, deliciously perfect preserved quince.
I'm doing some more this Saturday and this has become my new game plan.
When I have spare time on my hands I'm going to be cooking, cleaning or gardening. Anything I can do around the home to pass the time enjoyably without worrying about Noddy's arrival.
Both Darren and I are confident that our Noddy will be on his/her way to being a part of our family by the beginning of August and we will be pregnant so really I have nothing to worry about, neither of us do.
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